Isn't it wonderful how a number of little things can make a day so much better? My least favorite class was canceled today because the professor is in Tennessee. I heard a song that reminded me of a wonderful time, and it made me happy (or happier, rather.) A paper that isn't due until Thursday is nearly completed, which is quite an accomplishment for me. I had ice cream sundae night with my floor. I made an important decision.
Sometimes (most times) I'm glad that it doesn't take much for me to have a good day.
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
Sunday, February 17, 2008
Hello, internet.
Well, having a blog seems like it could be fun, so here goes.
First, I have to make a confession. This isn't my first blog. I started a blog on Xanga in 2003, kept up with it fairly regularly until about a year ago, and have sort of let it go to the wayside since then. I write a sentence or two every few months so the few people who still read it know that I'm alive and well, but also because I can't seem to let myself allow it die completely. Yes, maybe it's not really serving any purpose now and simply taking up space, but I sometimes enjoy going back and reading the musings of my teenage self. In one entry from maybe two years ago, someone I don't know left me a comment, telling me that I needed to start writing for myself and not for anyone else. He said that if I only wrote what I thought others wanted, I would never be satisfied. I'm fairly certain that I deleted the comment because I was weirded out by the fact that someone I didn't know was reading my blog, but I haven't forgotten it.
Living to gain the approval of others by doing what you think they want is no way to live. I know that. I would like to think that most people know that. Yet, I find myself falling into that trap time and time again. Now that I am older, I like to think that I am a stable and, for the most part, secure person. Yes, I have my insecurities like everyone else does. I fear rejection. Sometimes, I think I'm stupid/ugly/fat/annoying/immature/irresponsible/etc. I blame myself too quickly, to the extent that I somehow make myself feel responsible for the bad moods of the people I care about the most. I like to make and keep people happy, and feel like I'm failing if I can't do that. My point in saying all this is to tell you, the reader, that I know, but must constantly remind myself, that only seeking the approval of others leads to disappointment. As much as I love people, they are disappointing. Therefore, if I only try and please people, I lose.
Ok, back to the point I was originally trying to make (albeit in a very roundabout way)... I am going to write for myself, not for what I think anyone else wants to read. If you read this and enjoy it, great! Just know that I will continue writing, regardless of who does (or doesn't) read it. This is by no means an epiphany, but really just a way to sort it out in my own mind.
This may all seem like very "well, duh" stuff, and maybe I put too much thought into it, but you know what? I just remembered that I'm not writing this for you. Ha!
Until next time.
First, I have to make a confession. This isn't my first blog. I started a blog on Xanga in 2003, kept up with it fairly regularly until about a year ago, and have sort of let it go to the wayside since then. I write a sentence or two every few months so the few people who still read it know that I'm alive and well, but also because I can't seem to let myself allow it die completely. Yes, maybe it's not really serving any purpose now and simply taking up space, but I sometimes enjoy going back and reading the musings of my teenage self. In one entry from maybe two years ago, someone I don't know left me a comment, telling me that I needed to start writing for myself and not for anyone else. He said that if I only wrote what I thought others wanted, I would never be satisfied. I'm fairly certain that I deleted the comment because I was weirded out by the fact that someone I didn't know was reading my blog, but I haven't forgotten it.
Living to gain the approval of others by doing what you think they want is no way to live. I know that. I would like to think that most people know that. Yet, I find myself falling into that trap time and time again. Now that I am older, I like to think that I am a stable and, for the most part, secure person. Yes, I have my insecurities like everyone else does. I fear rejection. Sometimes, I think I'm stupid/ugly/fat/annoying/immature/irresponsible/etc. I blame myself too quickly, to the extent that I somehow make myself feel responsible for the bad moods of the people I care about the most. I like to make and keep people happy, and feel like I'm failing if I can't do that. My point in saying all this is to tell you, the reader, that I know, but must constantly remind myself, that only seeking the approval of others leads to disappointment. As much as I love people, they are disappointing. Therefore, if I only try and please people, I lose.
Ok, back to the point I was originally trying to make (albeit in a very roundabout way)... I am going to write for myself, not for what I think anyone else wants to read. If you read this and enjoy it, great! Just know that I will continue writing, regardless of who does (or doesn't) read it. This is by no means an epiphany, but really just a way to sort it out in my own mind.
This may all seem like very "well, duh" stuff, and maybe I put too much thought into it, but you know what? I just remembered that I'm not writing this for you. Ha!
Until next time.
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