Tuesday, March 18, 2008

thank you, adolescent lit class

Litany
by Billy Collins

You are the bread and the knife,
the crystal goblet and the wine.
You are the dew on the morning grass
and the burning wheel of the sun.
You are the white apron of the baker,
and the marsh birds suddenly in flight.

However, you are not the wind in the orchard,
the plums on the counter,
or the house of cards.
And you are certainly not the pine-scented air.
There is just no way that you are the pine-scented air.

It is possible that you are the fish under the bridge,
maybe even the pigeon on the general's head,
but you are not even close
to being the field of cornflowers at dusk.

And a quick look in the mirror will show
that you are neither the boots in the corner
nor the boat asleep in its boathouse.

It might interest you to know,
speaking of the plentiful imagery of the world,
that I am the sound of rain on the roof.

I also happen to be the shooting star,
the evening paper blowing down an alley
and the basket of chestnuts on the kitchen table.

I am also the moon in the trees
and the blind woman's tea cup.
But don't worry, I'm not the bread and the knife.
You are still the bread and the knife.
You will always be the bread and the knife,
not to mention the crystal goblet and--somehow--the wine.

Monday, March 10, 2008

The usual battle

Do you know what I think my problem is? I have no direction. Sure, I'm a psych major. Sure, I want to eventually become a guidance counselor. Honestly, though? Those plans are not the manifestation of my "hopes and dreams." They were really just formed when it became the time for me to make a decision about what I'm supposed to do with the rest of my life. How am I supposed to decide something like that now? How is anyone supposed to know? I have no idea what I want. What kind of system is this? Elementary school prepares you for middle school, middle school for high school, high school for college, college for... life? This is the last preparation stage. Yes, I know that I have two years of school left, but I don't like being uncertain. Right now, everything feels uncertain. I hate how uncertainty about school invades other things. I suppose I should work on becoming confident that trusting God is the only way I'll make it anywhere.

I can't tell if I'm thinking about these things because I'm upset, or if I'm upset because I'm thinking about them.